It all started off quite well. First off I became addicted to setting my alarm to watch an American swim for less than two minutes at 3am every morning, that helped my daily routine no end.
I then strategically arranged my life so anything of interest on the track was not missed. All as normal, its only once every four years after all.
Today however I plumbed new depths.
It all started with a Welsh man thrashing about in a Lake at 4am (my time, not his). Had he thrashed in the right direction he’d have won, but he got lost on the oval course and came second....shortly before passing out and being stretchered in to an ambulance (he then amusingly threw water over a pesky native, there are rather a lot of them....).
After that there was a brief peak, watching some african Americans run fast and then the decline.....equestrian following by softball highlights. Now, softball is baseball for people who are a bit shit right? How is that an Olympic sport?
Its been said before, but all the athletes should be allowed drugs, as many as they want so they can run the 100 metres in 3seconds and then collapse dead at the end of the track but I don’t think it should stop there. They should be allowed to take anything they like, not just performance enhancing drugs, everything. Get 8 wired muscular men at the start line all fucked up on cocaine and PCP and see who lives long enough to finish the race.
Or the pole vault on barbituates....or the diving on acid. Imagine that, 10m up, on acid attempting to dive in to a pool full of crocodiles....that is a sport I’d watch, just to see the diver sclinging on to the side in sheer terror as a man pookes them with a sharp stick to get them to jump. That is proper entertainment.
The pentathlon has got it right, the ‘athletes’ train for years in shooting, archery, swimming etc and then at the big event, the most prestigious event in the world all that training means nothing, as they are given a horse they’ve never seen before, most of which are temperamental at best, and told to make it jump things. By the end of the event you don’t care about the rider, you just want ‘ting ting’ the psycho horse to come round again and trample another Khazakstany. Brilliant.
